I was going to post some Suzie stories but my mind went a different direction this morning.
Friday afternoon there was a wreck just south of town on the long stretch of highway that I drive to and from work every day. An elderly male, for what ever reason, went off on the right side of the road, over corrected and smashed into the driver side door of an on coming car. The driver of the on coming car was a 16 year old high school student on his way home from school. Both males were air-lifted to Cincinnati hospitals but nothing life threatening. The 16 year old's dad stopped in yesterday to "Thank everyone involved in helping his son" .... which in this line of work we don't get 'thank yous' very often so it was well appreciated ... The accident occurred just as I was getting home. I couldn't help but think that if I had been in town an extra 20 minutes, it could have been my driver door that got smashed into.
People involved in emergency services come across life and death situations all the time. I know how quick an accident can change the lives of several people. Not just family members of the victims but the emergency personnel themselves. Chuck has been to several incidents that have had an affect on him. I have taken calls that have kept me up for days..... to this day I can still hear the screams of a father as his wife was having an active miscarriage.... and the screams of a fellow dispatcher when she found her husband dead from a self inflicted gun shot...
Last night Chuck came home and told me that a guy we know died over the weekend. The rumor was something about a bar fight, the Bouncers took him outside, he was tased, then 10 minutes later his wife found him dead. I called my dispatcher friend from that City to find out what the deal was. And, of course, most of the rumors weren't true. There was some sort of fight but no taser was involved. He died of natural causes.
Talking to the Chief yesterday about the details of that accident and then finding out about the other guy dying, a little cloud formed over me. For a brief moment I found myself in the same mind set I was in during the summer of 05.... my Dad and our Fire Chief died within 10 days of each other. I spent the rest of the summer consumed with thoughts of life and death, heaven and hell.....
It's a scary thing to ponder. In the time it takes me to breath in, my life (any body's life) can be turned upside down. Most people don't have to consider this stuff on a day to day basis, but every time I answer the phone.... ya never know what it might be. A baby choking, SIDS, suicide, domestic violence, a fatal accident, a construction working falling off a roof.... accidents are so quick, and some are completely "Finite"
As I rocked Suzie last night... and she normally doesn't want rocked. she likes to lay down and have her back patted a few times... So I rocked her and we cuddled. It's moments like these in the middle of those dark clouds that make me think "What If..."
What if I was in a car wreck? What if Chuck was, or the kids? What if Chuck does fall off a roof or some other work related injury? What if there is some health issue one of us may have and not know about? What if this was my last day on earth? If I knew that, would I have yelled at Josh? Would I have shrugged off Chuck's hug in an attempt to get dinner on the table? Would I have told Caleb I was too tired to read with him?
Was dinner that important that it couldn't wait 5 minutes? Could I have answered Josh a little differently or spared a few extra minutes for Caleb? Yes, there are all kinds of daily duties that need to be done. But I need to remember that they aren't the most important details of the day. .... and to be a little cliche... Live every day like it might be my last
August 28, 2007
Living Every Day
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7 comments:
Great post. You know, the older I get, the more I think those things like tasks and schedules don't matter.
People matter. God will ask us how we loved one another, not how well we fixed dinner. :)
You're a wonderful wife and mom! But when you rock Suzie, tell her Aunt Rachel stories! :)
Love, R
This is a wonderful message. And it is scarey how our lives can be turned upside down in a split second.
what a great post and how sad that you are rarely thanked for the job you do.
my mom was in an accident, years ago, and i wasn't with her. we had to travel about 2 hours to get to her and she was already in the hospital. they told me how a man had stopped to help her and called the ambulance. i so wanted to call him and thank him for just being there. for stopping and being with her till help got there.
i can't imagine that in your work that you can ever get away from thinking "what if.." type thoughts.
Great post Bek, I definitely know how easy it is to get caught up in "things" that need to be done. . . but relationships are much more important. We only get one chance for each opportunity and then it is gone. I sure wish I would have taken more time with each of you kids and now I need to be sure to take the time w/my grandchildren.
You are a great Mom and wife.
Love Mom
I've often pondered why I'm in this line of work. The stress is overwhelming. The workload can be one straw short of total chaos. (Often, if you just keep it from crossing that line into chaos, you've done a spectacular job.) It's not financially rewarding. There's no glory, there's no fanfare. I sit in one spot for 12 hours and deal with drunk and disorderly, his and hers, barking dogs, insane and violent and life and death.
Why? For the reason you wrote this post. I need the reality check I get at work everyday. It is in my nature to take things for granted. So, by being exposed to it every day I find myself, buckling up, looking both ways before pulling into traffic....twice...three times, questioning my children where they're going and with who, checking exit signs in crowded buildings, and packing a firearm. Sounds like I'm paranoid, huh? Maybe. But I take little for granted these days. My kids hear "I love you" everyday before the door closes and every night before the lights go out. I forgive and beg forgiveness easily....all because I know, that tomorrow, may not come and I may not get that chance.
Good post. Well written.
Absolutely--"live like you were dying." I learned that lesson the year my dad died, and several years later when I had my car accident.
There's a poem Erma Bombeck wrote when she found out she was dying--it's called "If I had my life to live over. . ." I'll send you the link if you want.
Very good, well-written post.
I'm glad I found your blog... I do what you do, every day (64 hours this week as a matter of fact!). I am also a mom (of 2), a dispatcher, amrried to a firefighter/EMT, and I feel all the same emotions you do a lot. I am still bothered by the 15 year old code I had last week who dropped at a road race from an undiagnosed cardiac problem. I can still hear the AED in the background as I coached the bystanders through CPR and AED use. He was brought back and air lifted to our states children's hospital....and I had hope. I saw his obituary 3 days later. I cried when I saw the newspaper articles and all of his fellow lacrosse players holding up their sticks in salute as the casket passed...
and I felt somewhat good that the doctor said his organs were in such good shape for donation due to the CPR performed on scene.
Such mixed emotions, such a special breed we are.... I'll follow your blog from now on :)
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