Raining In My Basement

Yesterday didn't start off the greatest. And it ended much worse. Nothing terrible went wrong- I just didn't feel like myself. While I was at work, my heart beat hard in my chest, my eyes burnt but I had no fever. So to comfort myself I gobbled up some sugary doughnuts... probably not helping matters. I think I need to have my thyroid levels checked again... I left work exhausted, although I did nothing but 'Sit' all day.

When I got home, I still felt 'off' so Chuck checked my blood pressure... it was normal... My afternoon routine went as usual. Pick up kids at different times and squeeze in dinner prep between runs to town. I attempted to get on my treadmill but I had no energy.

Around 7ish, I decided to relax on the couch and record the videos from my camera onto dvd... I have a couple months worth to burn off... Josh was watching a show on the Tv I needed to use so I told him to go do his reading for the night.

Josh went upstairs and started a bath... he likes to read in the bathtub... I plugged my video camera into the dvd and set up the tv. Just as I got started recording the first video I heard loud splashing noises from the other end of the basement.... Like hard rain on a sidewalk...

Jumping over the coach I ran to the other room. Its a semi-finished kitchen area with cement floor. Water was gushing down from the drop-tile ceiling, creating a small lake... Gasp!... Spinning on my heals I ran for the stairs, taking them two at a time.

Bang. Bang. Bang. on the bathroom door, I yelled for Josh to turn the water off- which he already had since his tub was full. Caleb heard the commotion and came to see what was going on. I ran to my bathroom to get a towel.

Caleb followed me downstairs. My one towel was no where near enough to sop up the floor. As my adrenalin rose, my already hard-beating heart starting beating faster and harder. My insides felt like a recently stirred paint can... ya know when the paint store puts the can in that shaker thing?

I ran back upstairs and banged on Josh's bathroom door again, yelling for him to open the door. Josh said 'ok'. I waited, but the door didn't unlock, "Josh! Open the door. I need towels! now!" Josh replied 'ok' again, but still nothing. bang bang bang "Josh!!! Open. The. Door!" Josh answered impatiently, "Ok. Im drying off"... drying off??? I dont have time for him to dry off? It only takes one second to unlock the door...

At this point I am embarrassed to say- I Lost It. Now instead of being a shaken paint can, I was a shaken pop can. The sad thing is, I don't really know why I exploded. Exhausted from a heart pounding, jittery day? Dealing with repeated issues with Josh, that I just don't know how to handle? Water pouring down in my basement, not sure how to stop it? Chuck not being home to fix it? Or all of the above, and then some- smashing together at once?

Things eventually settled down. The water was sopped up. The ceiling tiles were soaked with water and one of them broke from the saturation. No one could use either tub upstairs. The girls needed a bath, which I just let slide. Josh, Caleb and I took turns in the shower downstairs.

Washed up, I sat back down on the couch to finish burning the dvd. I felt miserable inside. I apologized to all the kids (and Chuck by text). But my stomach burned. My throat hurt. My head ached. And my heart was broken. I dont know why I got so upset, why I freaked out. Looking back at it now, it seems so petty. Even though there was now peace in the house, I didn't feel peace at all. I laid awake most of the night with a burning knot in my stomach, kicking myself for my over-reaction.

This morning at work, I checked an e-mail account I don't check on a daily basis. I clicked on my Proverb 31 daily devotion... that I haven't read in about a week... and this is what I read..,

Everyday life can be so uninspiring at times. I want action and excitement. I want something to happen. But then when it does (like the day the washing machine overflowed into my basement), I get all out of sorts. I have a hard time handling the disruption to my simple routine. This is not the kind of excitement I'm wanting, I think to myself. I grumble and complain my way through the problems that come my way.

How appropriate and comforting to know that another mother got 'out of sorts' in a similar incident. To know that it happens to everyone and I am not a failure. Looking back at the previous night, I realized that this big explosion, this big issue is just a moment in time. My children aren't scarred for life- actually, a good lesson to see that I readily apologize when I behave badly... its not just kids that have emotional melt downs...

Thinking about how the kids were for the rest of the evening. They were quiet and nice to each other. Eager to help me with anything I needed. And did what I asked the first time I asked.... ah, how nice... Even though a by-product of my behavior was positive, I'd still rather have lived without the emotional explosion.